To little to late....

I know what he is doing because I myself have planned such things in my mind. But the actions to carry out these mysterious romances was not in my bag of tricks. I believe that this is not the right place for me any longer. Sadly its to little to late. A child is involved and I am not sure if I have the strength to sustain us both through yet another storm of his creation. My own intentions haven't always been ideal but they are mine and I have proven myself to God, my wanna be cheating husband and myself. Yet I find myself still at a loss. All the goals that seemed so close to like a house and a car are just a mirage. He never wanted what I wanted but was to heartless to say it out right before or after our child was born. Now we are both drifting through this life we no longer want together only I am morbidly obese and no one loves me the way i deserve to be loved and he will be looked at as a playboy and a man who got stuck. I will forever remain the fool (how sickening and sad). I could have had so much and yet even lost some in that other life where I too thought the grass might be greener but I stuck it out only to be relabeled a fool. So I embrace my foolishness and become a Jack Jill of all trades.