I saved you ... who saves me

All of those moments I shared with you that now seem like a million years ago haunt me daily. I wonder what if ... why and why not? I saved you and by you being in my life you always saved me but now you are not here and that is because I pushed you away when you most needed me (I'm sorry) Little did you know I needed you too. I wonder where I would have been if I didn't allow myself to be so consumed by your rapture.

I only wish now that I could go back an do things over because though I knew the grass was greener because you said it was I still chose this life of which now I am heartbroken and so very alone. My hope has gone each time I see your happiness grows. I must find new hope within me. Thank you for saving me but now I must save myself. I don't really know how to take the first steps but I am trying. I do not yet know how strong I am but I soon will.